What are boundaries, and signs you could use some

So, what ARE boundaries?

People rarely slow down to check they truly understand what boundaries are and why they exist. In simple words, a boundary is the space you hold between you and another person – what keeps others from taking all your time, energy, wellness, success, etc.

Believe it or not, you already have more boundaries in place than you realize right now. Some examples are set working hours, turning your cell phone on “do not disturb,” or not answering a knock at your door unless you’re expecting company.

Without boundaries, we’d be accessible all the time, and giving away pieces of ourselves and our time until not much is left. We'd be left exhausted, burnt out, or bitter.

So, here are a couple indicators you’re either in need of new boundaries, or your current boundaries need a good revamping.

You consider everyone else’s needs but don’t feel they reciprocate. You’re proud to be a generous person but at times you feel this is taken for granted or taken advantage of. You answer texts, phone calls, emails, and the door even if you’re tired or it’s inconvenient. You can’t remember the last time you said no to a request, cancelled a social commitment, or took time before responding to an invitation. You find yourself working overtime or clocking in early, without compensation. You don’t like asking for help. You don’t know how to ask for help. It never occurred to you to ask for help. You're known by friends and family as The Planner, The Organizer, The Giver, The Fixer, The Reliable One...

You find yourself in conversations you’re uncomfortable with but continue because someone else wants you to. People in your life don’t seem to know or remember important things about you, your character/values, or your life events. You often volunteer to take care of things when others avoid pitching in or planning something. You spend more time or money on others than is comfortable for you. People tend to reach out when they need something from you, but not to simply check in on how you are. You think the more you do or give to others, the more valuable you will be. Guilt and obligation were interwoven in family dynamics growing up (and likely still are.) You feel guilty when resting.

When working with someone who wants to do boundary work and find better ways to show up for themselves, I do a little dance inside. It’s exciting to be there and support as people redraw their own boundaries and start to shape their life and relationships into something more fulfilling that actually works for THEM. So, how are you feeling about your own boundaries?