When you feel your partner's interest in you has fallen lackluster...

It's Wednesday night and you're both on the couch, unwinding before it's time to go to bed. You think about how grateful you are to have such a hardworking, kind "other half." They do their part in caring for the home without being asked, they never forget a birthday, and they tell the best corny jokes. But something feels a little...off. You ask yourself, what is it that's bugging me? Then the words come to you - they don't show much interest in me.

This is something I hear a lot. And many who say this are in overall satisfactory, happy relationships!

They have long conversations with their friends, but with me it's over in a couple sentences.

They spend every Tuesday night bowling with their best friend, but we don't share a single hobby.

In the evening we ask each other how was your day?, but not much else.

It's easy over time to settle into somewhat of a rinse and repeat routine in a relationship. Engagement takes energy and effort! What's great is you can toss a little confetti of curiosity on your relationship whenever you want to. When I work with couples where one or both are feeling curiosity has dwindled over time, I offer a perspective: With honest conversation, time, and a little creative "elbow grease," excitement and surprise can be woven back into their dynamic.

So here are some ideas to get you started on this journey...

1. Recreate a first date. Experience your partner with fresh eyes, excitement, and conversation.

   
   

2. Take each other on a tour of significant places throughout life - the house you grew up in, your high school, your first job, where you had your first drink. Even if these places aren't local, you can share through photos or websites.

   
   

3. Create an afternoon, day or evening of play. Tap into your child selves and shake off activities that create pressure and focus on productivity or outcomes. You can draw, paint, create with chalk, build sandcastles at the beach, go to a thrift store to play dress up, watch a favorite childhood cartoon or movie, etc.

   
   

4. Experience new places together - parks, restaurants, museums, classes, etc. Create new memories.

Conversation and shared activities are two ways to lean into your partner and learn more about them - what they think, believe, feel, want, and need. Don't make assumptions. Seek what you don't know about them, or, what you could learn more about. What have you never asked about? Where have you never gone together? You'd be surprised at what you may find.